Askhole blockage

I haven’t been paying attention to tumblr dashboard sidebar.

So, here come some answers. (See how I setup the conflict then build suspense?)

melissasantos asked:

will you drive me to the grocery store? i need to get peanut butter & honey, but i can’t find my keys. or my car. (question two: where is my car?) also, did you ever make a girl a mix CD when you were younger? if so, what was on it? & did it woo her?

Girl, I made mix tapes with a dual cassette, auto-reverse boom box and 90-minute BASF metal tapes. What was on it? Wet panties.

thedza asked:

Catches bullets with his teeth?

Are you crazy? I spent too much money on my ready-for-TV grill. I ain’t doing nothin’ to mess up these porcelains. Besides, they glow at the strip clubs.

tiffehr asked:

What’s one difficult question you halfway hope someone would ask you? (Yep, kinda bored; haven’t used this feature. Feel free to ignore.)

This one. Or something about Haiti.

toldorknown asked:

How has your life been improved by knowing me? No need to fully enumerate. Just pick some highlights.

Just look in the mirror. That’s how.

kellydeal asked:

Just so you know, I am totally trying to talk the guys into doing a special SWSJ JUMPSUIT edition. I think I’ve got them 85% convinced. Shane’s worried about it being too “The Right Stuff” and Scott’s got some pretty expensive fabrics tastes that just might break the budget, but we’re almost there.

Thanks for the comment and thanks for listening, you’re the best, SB. Kelly and the SWSJ Crew

YOU’RE THE BEST. Tell Shane to shut his cry-hole and DO IT. I’m in.

melissasantos asked:

i just noticed that you were the only person who starred that johnny depp in a french braid tweet. you get what i’m giving; i like that.

p.s. — why is butt cheeks such a great word?

That’s not really a question. wink.

steampoweredmedia asked:

Thanks for the comment on the Lance M. video.

So, in addition to the eating and the tweeting and yard work and livin’ large and politics and hilarity of the present, do you have a 10”*30” lurking in your past? I have to think you do.

In my present, yo! I got a G&S Dennis Martinez downstairs (covered in shit right now but still.) It actually measures 9”x32”. I had a bunch of decks but I most remember Santa Monica Airlines’ Natas Kaupas (2 of each), two Santa Cruz Jeff Kendall and a Powell Peralta Lance Mountain.

My first deck was the Natas with Indy Trucks and Santa Cruz 92As. There was a 10’ half-pipe with (18” of vert) up the hill from my house. When we were done with that we’d downhill back home. A couple of the local skate shops even gave me decks. I picked up skating after my breakdancing career and didn’t stop until college. Dunno why I stopped. Just did.

calebsexton asked:

It may be like asking you to pick your favorite child, but what are your favorite shoes to wear these days?

These days? Nike Frees that’r full of holes but, man are they light and comfortable. When I need shoes without holes in ‘em, I grab a pair of 2007 LBJ low-tops or my Adidas Shell Toes. If I need fancy then it’s the Jordan Chukkas I picked up at Bodega.

penllawen asked:

Re: American Drink — an ounce or two of vodka in your bottle of simple syrup acts as a great preservative. It’ll often last for months and months in the fridge.

OOH. Thanks for the invitation to self-pimp! We tweeted that little tip on the American Drink Twitter account, @American_Drink, a while back and yes, great tip. Also, 2:1 simple syrup keeps a little longer than 1:1. Something about viscosity and thickness and now I’m horny. Buy American_Drink in your town See sexy American_Drinks tonight

shuffstuff asked:

How does one get to be as awesome as you are? Daily exercises? A special diet? Does it require a lot of practice (I’m kind of lazy)? (Happy anniversary!)

Thank you! It was a fantastic anniversary. We went out for fancy drinks and ribs.

And HOLY SHIT! Shuffshuff thinks I’m awesome. So, how does one get to be as awesome as me? First, you have to age and kid yourself into thinking you’re younger than you are. Sometimes that means stealing your dad’s Ed Hardy shirt for a night out with The Boys (by yourself). Other times it means wearing dark glasses and pulling your baseball cap low to buy glucosamine and prep H at the drug store. Mostly, get serious about certain things but never yourself.

As for exercise: Kegels. Diet: midnight potato chips. Practice: never.