Secret Message Tumbls/Tweets (SMTs) Review

This shit has more drama per square foot than Cinemax After Dark. Its thin plot — feelings— masterfully strings together a hot shower solo, standard couple, lesbian rape fantasy and a motorcycle wreck waiting to happen. And a yacht scene. Can’t forget the inevitable yacht scene.

*pause*

Yeah, so. Right. Secret Message Tumbls or Tweets (SMTs) are private thoughts publicly displayed for recipients known only to the writer and presented in list form. Go Internet!

SMTs are deceptively manipulative coos directed at you and maybe you and it can’t be you. These pussy footed statements, both tenderhearted and hard, vex the reader’s emotional chemistry until nothing but a full out meme (or divorce) explodes. The two-sided nature of praise and criticism wear the appearance of balance but place security and insecurity at odds. THIS IS WHY THEY ARE WONDERFUL.

They’re raw, boner inducing, nipple hardening, self-doubt triggering and immensely humbling Jägerbombs made of Reality TV, professional wrestling and crazy ex juice.

It’s not for everyone but once you people who lead healthy, responsible lives stop eye-rolling you’ll find the beauty of those long ago late-night, unauthorized phone calls, the electricity of dropping that note in his/her locker and the tingle of remembering that drunk DM you sent.

Someone you follow on Tumblr or Twitter is all up in some SMTs. If not, go find them and while you’re reading them and trying to figure out just who they’re talking about, do three things;

1. Don’t try and figure out who they’re about.
2. Remember that it’s all drama.
3. Reach down and grab some metaphorical or literal nuts and requiet your own unrequited crushes. It is real and it is wonderful.

3.5 out of 5 stars for its passive obsessiveness and veiled honesty. Dinged for wearing pasties and the no touch policy. I need a job.

I love you.

*Updated with links to some Secret Message Tumbls.